SHORT FUNNY QUOTES ARE BETTER THAN LATTE. FUNNY QUOTATIONS CAN MAKE YOUR DAY

Short funny quotes can start your day with a bang. One of the best comedians that had the ability to make me laugh with his short funny quotes was Rodney Dangerfield.

When Rodney stood before an audience and delivered his cute and humorous quotes, no one in the room could keep a serious face. Hope you get a kick out of these funny quotations.

Remember that laughter is an empowering force. Please enjoy these cute funny quotes and spread some sunshine anywhere you go.

With my wife I don't get no respect.

I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

The waiter joined me.

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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.

Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing

a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the

library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

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Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender,

'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

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My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now

she's afraid of the light.

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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my

finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

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When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and

said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we

could ... but he pulled through.

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I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a

toaster and a radio.

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Hope that by now you at least have a smile on you face.

If not, than let me share some more short funny quotes from Rodney.

Just picture his face as he looks at you with that certain look

and prepares to convince you that these are no silly or funny

quotes, but rather the story of his life.

One day as I came home early from work ..... I saw a guy jogging naked.

I said to the guy .... Hey buddy .... why are you doing that for?

He said .... Because you came home early.

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Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to

help me find my parents. I said to him ..... do you think we'll

ever find them? He said ... I don't know kid .... there are so

many places they can hide.

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On Halloween .... the parents send their kids out looking like

me. Last year... one kid tried to rip my face off! Now its

different...when I answer the door the kids hand me candy.

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I went to see my doctor. Doctor, every morning when I get up and

look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with

me? He said... I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.

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My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you

don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright....

you're ugly too!

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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face .... turned

me over and said. Look ... twins!

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I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.

My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

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Need another dose of cute funny quotes? Then please follow me. There are plenty more humor quotes, funny quotations and short funny quotes on our other pages.

Please enjoy them and use them to brighten your day. It is also important to share the things you enjoy, so please tell your friends and family.

Our goal is to continue to gather all diffence types of empowering quotations to make your life a little more fun.

So are you ready to laugh some more? Get another dose of short funny quotes, cute funny quotes or empowering quotes

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